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Thanks for your understanding.
Chris -- 2018-04-11
It might be fun to swap texts which pile one oddity of speaking or writing on top of another. Probably best to exclude foreigners’ writings, which of course are particularly subject to this, though of course it isn’t always easy to tell when a non-native speaker is writing.
Anyhow, here’s one of my favorites. (It’s online if you want to verify that it’s for real.) I especially love the vision of affectionate domesticity with which it all ends, leaving the grusome sight for the bird. Just imagine your mastery of forestry skills flowing from you like a raging river, enabling you to move quietly, loading your bow (why not? you can draw your gun, can’t you?), that first thudding arrow sending the enemy shreaking to the ground, in seconds the third arrow, then the fourth and fifth (apparently #2 was in second, as #3 in seconds? Or did the arrow from the previous skirmish count?), as you dive pitching yourself into a roll (why not yaw while you’re at it?) to come up in the midst of the thick of the frey, throwing your arms in all directions and … well. there’re just a lot of good ones.
Enemy Invaders
. The tall white indian stalked the underbrush like a hunting cat. His
eyes keen to everything, his sence of hearing so profound that he
could he the small shuffle of little creatures who inhabited the
ground under the brush. He made no sound at all, he was completly
silent. His mastery of his forester skills flowed from him like a
raging river. Slowly and surly he snuck up on the unaware indian who
dared sneak into his home area, and kill his game. The invader would
pay dearly, he would pay with his life.
. For a moment Renno figured on drawing his belt knife and dispatching
the unlucky opponent who traveled into his land. But then he thought,
this man was not worthy of working a sweat, so slowly he drew his
long bow, which he has had for years. He loaded and took aim, and let
fly. The arrow streaked through the air making a whistling sound
before thudding into the chest of the warrior. The warrior lurched,
his back crooked and fell to the ground dead. Renno went to his kill
to take his rightful prise, the warriors scalp.
. As he made his way into the clearing were the warrior had been, Renno
started to here sound, as if many others were in the vicinity. Slowly
he withdrew into his hiding and pressed his ear to the ground. He
heard the footsteps of ten maybe more warriors. All seeming to be
coming this way, he had no time to call for help from the sentries
who riddled the area. So quickly he loaded his bow, got his tomahalk
ready at his side along with his knife, and waited patiently. His
patients was awarded quite quickly as about fifteen warriors came
into view. All wearing the colors of his most hated enemys, the
Nadiez. They wore blue and black like a shield, that would soon fold
to a Seneca arrow. How stupid theywere to come into the Seneca land
and not be punished. One Seneca warrior of normal prowess could take
out five of them. But Renno he was renowned for his prowess with his
weapons and of battle. He had never Been deafeated.
. The first thing he did was aim for the leader of the party, and let
fly. The arrow flew true thudding into the warriors eye, sending him
shreaking to the ground. In seconds he send out a third arrow, and a
fourth, then a fifth. All finding there deadly targets. Then Renno
could not shoot no more they had found him. Renno dropped his bow,
and picked up his Tomahalk and belt knife and dived into the frey. As
he dived he pitched himself into a roll to come up in the midst of
the thick of them. His threw his arms in all directions, finding
targets were ever his arms went. Then a warrior landed a slash on him
accross the ribs. A sharp jolt of pain went through him, he screamed
and went into a rage, The warriors began to give way, all of them
falling to the ground screaming, or some screaming there death crys.
Renno didnt care he cept going untill the last warrior who had been
there began to flee.
. ‘Just like your weak little nation, you flee when the fighting is the
worst’ Renno screamed at the warrior and he threw his Tomahalk. The
tomahalk thudded into the warriors back, severing his spinal cord.
The warrior died of pain in and instant. The he began to take his
awards one by one, scalping every warrior.
. He left the grusome sight for the bird and went at the Seneca trot
back to town, were he would be healed by his aunt, and fed by his
mother.
*If the human mind were simple enough for us to understand,
we would be too simple-minded to understand it* .
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I think it’s great that the writer perseveres in his attempt to convey his story in spite of any technical difficulty in doing so. And, really, none of us is immune to making such mistakes at one level or another: spelling, grammar, etc. I’d also like to point out an eggcorn hunter’s philosophy that we arrive at about a year or so on this website: nothing is obvious to the uninformed. Let’s be careful not to be too critical of the uninformed.
All told, the story does have a charming ending.
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True, nothing is obvious to the uninformed. And these wonderful phrases certainly bespeak a very active intelligence. I love them. I do hope the author has managed to become less uninformed in the time since, but if he (or she) keeps writing more of the same, bring it on!
I love it when I catch similar bloopers of my own, especially if it’s one I’ve been unaware of for years. I am certainly not immune to this sort of thing. I have hundreds of examples of my own production that I have collected. But I would be sorry to be so ignorant (I can use the word about myself, can I not?) after all these years, that I would pile up dozens in a few paragraphs and be oblivious of the fact. (This production seems to me to fall pretty clearly in Amsel Green’s category [in Pullet Surprises ] of the “Happily Unaware”.)
So, sorry if it makes people feel bad. If most of us feel that way, let’s can the discussion. But I will continue to think it funny and to get pleasure from figuring out what went into the amazing phraseology.
*If the human mind were simple enough for us to understand,
we would be too simple-minded to understand it* .
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No doubt, and almost certainly one who has played too many slash-em-and-slay-em video games. There is apparently a series of books on Renno the White Indian, and this must be a fan-fic based on them. Fan-fics are wonderful places to troll for bloopers. I think in this case I was looking to document “in the midst of the thick of”, when I first found it (years ago now) and fell in love.
Adults can do similar things, however. I may post bits of another text one of these times.
Re searching: I just did a search on “fold to a Seneca arrow”, and it was the only hit.
Last edited by DavidTuggy (2008-06-26 23:36:15)
*If the human mind were simple enough for us to understand,
we would be too simple-minded to understand it* .
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One of the standard fillers at the end of a New Yorker article would be on the order of “Screams we doubt ever got screamed.” This definitely qualifies: ‘Just like your weak little nation, you flee when the fighting is the worst’ Renno screamed at the warrior and he threw his Tomahalk.
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I love the warrior dying of pain (his severed spinal cord being a relatively incidental circumstance), and then getting up and scalping his erstwhile companions.
*If the human mind were simple enough for us to understand,
we would be too simple-minded to understand it* .
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I sort of promised another one, which I suppose was written by an adult.
The guy who wrote it billed himself as The Master of The Mystics and Professional Revealer of Forgotten Secrets. The website was technically spectacular for its time (about 1997), really beautifully done. “Every touch and jittle” of the text is, however, as The Master set it down; I did not change a letter. The Master was evidently not a native speaker of English—you probably wouldn’t guess which country his website was based from, though.
If you’re not enlightened after that, what could possibly do it for you?“Provided invirement of true verdicts of minded life, in human philosophiacal nature appears as religious visions, is experience of essences of philosophical world of beeing. What other ideologic goals might seems to be, they doesn’t match the essence of this fundament. Thinking and wonderings, religious believes and indication of something that isn’t there, is in origin a settlement of visions missing everything that is truly logical possible, pure fantasies, display the status of quotation one has in mind. The ideology behing The Golden Verdict is an expressive content, gnostic that assures you as a customer that you will recieve, stricly related to these needs, secure knowledge. The words of true verdict is worthy your mind looking for nothing less than logic understanding!â€
Last edited by DavidTuggy (2008-06-30 16:49:27)
*If the human mind were simple enough for us to understand,
we would be too simple-minded to understand it* .
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David, this last post reminds me of the machine-translation madness that PatSchwieterman posted sometime back, where you could (almost) discern out what the writer intended through the haze of linguistic obfuscation.
http://eggcorns.lascribe.net/forum/view … hp?id=2440
Last edited by JonW719 (2008-06-30 16:54:36)
Feeling quite combobulated.
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Yes, I’ve wondered if machine translation wasn’t involved. But a number of the errors are not the kind that a machine would make.
Last edited by DavidTuggy (2008-06-30 18:01:18)
*If the human mind were simple enough for us to understand,
we would be too simple-minded to understand it* .
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No, I would agree…the machine would not have misspelled “environment” (presumably) as invirement. But it had the same stilted formality and flowery quality that the machine seemed to use.
Feeling quite combobulated.
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It’s kinda puzzling—a machine translation then doctored by someone no more clueful than the machine? I know MT programs have been around for decades, but most people didn’t have access to them till the Internet. Was MT already avail on the Web in 1997? I don’t know—I think I first discovered it a couple of years later. But the elaborateness of the website might indicate a computer professional.
“Philosophiacal” makes me wonder whether Italian or a Slavic tongue was the original. But Google shows apparent native English speakers using that spelling, so it may not be a useful clue.
I don’t want to think about what the “essence” of a fundament might be.
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Makes me think of Ogden Nash’s wonderful
Samson AgonistesI test my bath before I sit,/
. and I’m always moved to wonderment/
That what chills the finger not a bit/
. is so frigid upon the fundament.
Last edited by DavidTuggy (2008-07-01 16:29:38)
*If the human mind were simple enough for us to understand,
we would be too simple-minded to understand it* .
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This next is from an official document produced and distributed at a government institution in the USA. I am fairly certain a vintage (early-mid 90’s) spell-checker was used, since that would simultaneously explain (a) the dearth of clearly misspelled words and (b) the abundance of striking malapropisms.
Operational Policy and Procedure Manual
Server Whether Extremes
Tornadoes, Hurricane
.
I. Purpose: The prescribe policy for, and effective implementation of disaster preparednesses plan.
II. Scope: Procedures contained here in will apply to all program under the agricultural Branch.
III. Communications: Communication during these emergency situations is at the utmost importances. Communication during these emergency situation will be by 2 way communications during an emergency and will standby for instructions.
IV. General: This plan will provide the method and the responsible person to implements procedures for the server weather plan.
A. Upon notification of hurricane or tornado damage, the following measures will be implemented.
1. The Agricultural Branch Emergency Contact Roster of Employee Apex I names and phone number will be used if not during regular work hours.
2. Notifications: When such conditions arise during day operations. The Branch Chief Ag. and Industries Productions Mgr. I, II, will decided an notify to the cease or continue operations, depended on the nature of the conditions.
3. Notify each program area, to the emergency personnel required. Make known to the Director of Support Services, to the conditions that have arises, and of the implementation of severer weather plans.
V. Operations: When server Tornado or Hurricane storm develop over night the Emergency Personnel should be on stand by. The employee that presided on the property are to contact there supervisors if not contacted before the storm hits.
A. Call in staff that is necessary from the emergence rooster, Apex I, if needed provide transportations.
B. Upon arrival at the scene:
1. Establish communications with the Institutions that the storm has hit.
2. Ascertain the condition of farm as to injuries and or fatalities.
3. Transmit an initiated communications to the Branch Chief. Make known the availability of evacuations vehicles on the site.
C. Coordinate activities with Institutions head of there Emergency personnel.
E. Nursing and evacuation.
1. Identify fatalities and make arrangement for evacuation.
2. Administer to the injured, attempt to stabilize trauma to the extent possible. These efforts should be in and with cooperations with the institutions medical staff that the storm has hit.
VI. Operations of Support Staff employee living on property will take the following actions in conjunctions with the administrations or the on call Mgr. in charge or chain of command.
A. Check safety and security of all buildings and grounds.
1. Fire hazards
2. Structure damages
3. To the safety of entery
4. Clear roads of trash and down trees.
5. Tractors and bull dozer may be used if necessary.
6. Bursted water lines.
VII. Staffing: Staff will be required at the farm to remain operational.
A. All staff is expected two report to work on there regular shifts unless it is impossible for the individual to travel. Individual should remain at there residence in event transportations is dispatched for them to report to work.
B. Vehicle\ Equipments movement should cease in the after mass of a storm, all activates that are not required should halt, that are not essential.
(more later)
I am fascinated by the triage philosophy implied in V.E.1-2., and wonder whether one should administer enemas or last rites when implementing V.E.2. The Emergence Rooster popping out from Apex I (V.A) is a striking image for me. Downing trees with a bull dozer (VI.A.4-5) sounds like fun, too.
My son’s take on the after mass of the storm (VII.B) can be seen at
http://davidtuggy.com/Misc/Aftermasssmall.jpg
btw, I believe the word “severe” was used correctly once in the document.
*If the human mind were simple enough for us to understand,
we would be too simple-minded to understand it* .
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